Last night, I sat on the edge of the outside kitchen porch and looked up at the stars. The village below me was humming with quiet activity in the darkness, and I could hear the happy hum of conversation in the house. I felt so small…so insignificant.

Last week was a long nightmare of trouble with my children, and I was worn out and ready to send most of them away. I had already sent Ahmesow to the Sunshine Orchard to study since our school is not quite up to our standards yet, and I did not want him to be under that kind of temptation. I really wanted to just give up and quit trying. But our ways are not God’s ways!

This is how God changed my mind. A couple of days ago we got word that Sehdoe, a student that we had the first year we were here, had hiked as far as he could, and needed Travis to go and bring him the rest of the way. I really love Sehdoe, but I was so tired of the troubles that we were having that I was less than enthusiastic about any new students. (He was bringing two family members with him) But, last night after worship, we all sat down and I got out my student book so that I could enter their names into my records. They had decided that they did not want to enroll in the school since they are older and did not want to start over in first grade. What they really wanted was just to learn English and bible.  So, Travis and I were also scrambling to try to figure out how to do everything we are already committed to, plus teach these three all day. When I asked Sehdoe if he still wanted to be a doctor, he said no…he now wants to be a missionary. I looked up in surprise…a missionary? He was not a Christian last time he was here, and although he was interested, he never made any kind of a commitment…at least not out loud.  Travis told me that Sehdoe’s village does not have any Christian influence, and when he went home, he was the only person in the village that refused to eat without praying first, since that is what he had seen us do.  Everyone made fun of him, so he started praying in English to try to avoid trouble. He has struggled a lot, since he did not have a bible, and he does not know what the bible says. But here he is again, with two others who want to know more about Jesus due to his influence.

We then started discussing how we were going to teach them bible, since Roy is so busy already with the school. We felt that maybe it would be better if they could learn bible in their own language, but we did not know for sure, so we asked Sehdoe what he thought…did he learn bible the last time he was with us, even though it was in English? His answer was that no, he did not learn much bible, only what he got through Pearl’s translating.  He said that he knew that we had the truth because of our lives, not because he knew the bible. Tears came to my eyes as I listened. Us? But we fail all the time! All I can say is that God must have blinded his eyes to us, and shown him Jesus.

How can I quit when it is so clear that God can still use us if we keep trying? How can I send away children who may never have another opportunity to know Jesus? This land is not exactly crawling with missionaries. (Far from it!)

What is clear to me though is that we are not able to do it all alone. Someone pointed out to me this week that I am not supposed to wear myself out with the work, but pray for help. That is, after all, what the bible says. We are to pray that God would send forth laborers. I used to think that was an easy thing, since I always dreamed of being a missionary. But, I am finding that it is NOT an easy thing. I believe that the biggest miracle you can see is for young people to WANT to go as missionaries…not the thrill seekers, but those who have an experience in the things of God, giving their lives to help others.

I may get tired and discouraged at times, but God is still on the throne, and He is still taking care of us. Please pray for my children. They have such a struggle giving up the evil in their lives, and letting Jesus take control. Pray for us also, that we would have patience and courage to keep going.